I have spent years of my life being accommodating. I have put other people's needs first, and unless it's life altering, I have let other people have their way and I try to live up to their expectations. In most situations, I actually prefer the outcome of letting other people win simply because it makes people happy, and rarely do I end up unhappy in the tradeoff. I have discovered though in recent months, that I am less willing to accommodate issues that affect me. Is this "growing up" or is it the people pleaser (most specifically parent pleaser) in me slipping away? I have no idea. I just know that I am feeling liberated by freeing myself from all these accommodations. I can still help other people and compromise and all that other lovely touchy-feely stuff - BUT I can also live my life the way that I want to. I love that.
Not sure if that makes any sense, so I'll explain it to you over cold lemonade or a long walk. We probably need to catch up anyway.
7 comments:
When can we have that long walk? I'll be home soon.
Can you tell me how to get to that point in life? I am seriously lacking and in desperate need.
It's growing up. The fact is, we, as women, are raised to believe this fiction that "good girls" make other people happy. "Good girls" don't disagree, don't stand up for themselves. That's BS--and, even worse, it's a method of control. The fact is, getting along with other people, and making them happy, is good--up to a point. But making other people happy should *never* come at the cost of honoring your own dignity, and self worth, and boundaries.
Ultimately, people only treat you as well as you treat yourself. And, if you calmly and politely assert a boundary, and someone else has an issue with it, it's *their* problem--not yours. You didn't do anything "wrong" by not being a doormat, regardless of what they say.
I'm a serious recovering people pleaser, myself. To the point where I let my MIL almost kill my cat. So I totally understand. You can email me if you want :-)
I fully support these sentiments.
Good for you Jaclyn! I know what you mean-- I have been a people pleaser for a long time too and suddenly came to the realization about a year ago that I was subconsciously letting people walk all over me and take advantage of me. It's a fine line-- being the peace-maker, but also standing up for yourself. So go you!!
love it, totally agree, but i would still love a long walk with you.
Yesss! You nailed it. I felt this movement in my life a couple years ago and just recently experienced a relapse. The people-pleaser relapse. I find that it comes back under different circumstances, but still feels good to be able to recognize when it does and say "I've already learned this lesson and I know what I need to do." Ya know? Thanks for the post and I'm so thrilled about your best summer ever. I'm so proud of myself for encouraging the blog cause you do it so well! (even though I'm sure there was more behind it than little ol' me)
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