I've spent a lot of time the past couple months asking questions that haven't been answered - mostly because I haven't known what to ask. I've felt like I was falling in an enclosed tunnel - not knowing though where the tunnel even began and definitely not knowing where the end could possibly be. I've only felt myself in my classroom - the one place where I know exactly what my purpose is and where I feel most at peace. This is, of course, part of the problem since two weeks from now I'll take down the carefully designed bulletin boards, pack away all my books, and lock the door to E4 one last time.
Tonight I drove alone on the winding road of I-80 listening to talks about life, faith, and obedience. I ended my trek into the Sierras at King's Beach where I sat and looked out over the wide expanse of Lake Tahoe. The words from D&C 101:16 entered my mind as clearly as though someone had said them to me - "Be still, and know that I am God" - I sat, and I was still. I didn't think about the grading I had brought with me. I didn't think about the state budget issues. I thought about divine purpose and divine promises. I thought about how my summers were spent running along King's Beach - playing in the sand and running under the dock - and how much time as gone by since those warm carefree days. And for the first time in a long time, I felt that confirmation - the subtle reassurance that you are at the helm guiding my life. I can't tell you how much that means to know that - to feel that.
I know this note does not have a stamp or a carefully printed address, but I needed to write it. Like a little girl who holds her dad's hand crossing a busy road, I feel as though you've taken my hand tonight. And I want you to know I'm looking up and following the path more diligently that you have set out for me. Your vision exceeds mine, and I'm so grateful to know that you know exactly where I need to be and who I need to be serving.
I know I owe you more love, service, and devotion than I can ever repay, so let me know what I can do to help.
Always,
Jac
10 comments:
Very beautiful Jaclyn. Thanks for sharing.
that was beautiful! who knew driving could inspire so much. i love you darling.
Dad, Cameron and Mom just read this and it is just as everyone says "Beautiful!" God does hear and answer prayers as we were discussing tonight at home. Love you
Thanks for sharing this. It was truly amazing. I love you and can't wait to be Utah buddies!
jaclyn, you are still such an example to me and i love you. thank you for this post.
I'll miss you Jaclyn! I am excited for the new adventures and blessings that will come to you for having faith and moving forward :)
What a great post! I (like many others) am fortunate to know you. Thanks for sharing your insights and being a good example to all those you meet.
It is a wonderful thing when we can go deep within our soul and know Him. To trust in Him to know what is best for us and to be open to His quidance always, even if it means to go outside of our comfort zone. Jaclyn, you are beautiful inside and out and as you grow so will the opportunites. Love Aunt Sandy
Jaclyn... I have had moments in my life that have provoked a response like that... no, not moments,... rather seasons, phases. Thank you for this. It has helped me to remember how they were resolved.
This is from Sue Monk Kidd: "For the most part we do two things in response to crisis [that is not attributable to our own sin].
1. We say that it is God's will and force ourselves into an outwardly sweet acceptance, remaining unaffected at the deeper level of the spirit. People who choose this path are after comfort and peace of mind.
2. We reject the crisis ...fighting and railing against it until we become cynical and defeated or suffer a loss of faith. People who choose this path are after justice.
...but there is a third way to face crisis. It is the way of waiting. That way means creating a painfully honest and contemplative relationship with one's own depths. ..with God in the deep center of one's soul. People who choose this way aren't after peace or justice. They're after wholeness and transformation.
They're after soulmaking."
Now for my own thoughts on this... after being so touched by your words.
"Be still and know that I am God."
It is the way of waiting. That way means creating a painfully honest and contemplative relationship with one's own depths. ..with God in the deep center of one's soul.
Sometimes we ask God a question and the answer isn't quick or clear. It doesn't mean He isn't going to answer. It doesn't mean we have to ignore the question. It doesn't mean God doesn't speak or we cannot hear.
We have to remain in the question. Until the truth comes clear. Trust that it will. Not act on our own by making decisions motivated only by wanting relief... without that Answer. Remaining in the question means we're acting like the woman in the parable of the persistent widow. As often as the question arises, we take it to Him. And because we know that He is God, we can be still while waiting.
It is not easy. Waiting is a verb, an action. Note how often in the list of Christ-like characteristics
we find patience included. Perspective is found in the deliberate act of waiting.
You are a gem, Jaclyn.
Jaclyn, I'm grateful for you to share what you're feeling inside. I've had many of those conversations, myself, maybe not as eloquent but I know the stirring feeling when a glimpse of light enters my soul and I know my Father is guiding my path and leading the way. All I have to do is feel His love and follow His way. Love you, girl!
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