Sometimes I wish...

Sometimes I wish there was someone who would tell me what to do – where to move – what job to pursue. I am feeling exceptionally aimless right now. The looming uncertainty that is my future is starting to eat away at the peace of mind that I have worked so hard to construct over the past eight months.

I realized this weekend while I searched for my future in the Pacific Northwest, that I built too a large chunk of piece of mind on the idea that Seattle was the place. Don’t get me wrong, I love that area. But I am unsure that it is the place that I am supposed to move and start my new life.

When I took a job after my undergrad, I knew I wanted to stay in Utah. The job in Heber was a perfect fit. When I left Utah, I struggled with the idea of leaving a school I loved so much, so I made a deal with God (something I generally wouldn’t recommend) – if I was supposed to move back to the Bay Area, I wanted to teach at San Ramon. If I got the job there, I would pack my bags and start over. If I didn’t get the job, I was staying in Utah. No other alternatives or options needed to apply. Obviously, I went, I taught, and then life twisted sharply landing me back in Utah again.

Now though I have nothing to bargain with. I don’t have a dream job or even a job that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I qualify for. This time I feel completely alone.

I know though that this is my path to discover. I just wish I had more of a road map or even a clue of where to begin because right now I feel like I maneuvering through dense fog – the kind where you can only see a few feet in front of you – with no perceptible sunshine in sight.

Long story short, I really need my Monday to be over. Good night!